Scribbles Galore

There has been so much I have wanted to blog about but time has not been my friend the last few weeks. So much has been going on in my life the last few months. It has in fact been quite crazy. Firstly, I have had to face six papers in Uni, secondly my personal life has gone haywire…

In fact, I am now of the opinion that exams are so much easier to face than sorting out problems with those close to you in your life. I doubt I have been through this much shit… in ages.

I have been thinking, when you lose someone who was really close to your heart, it’s weird how, everything reminds you of that person. Songs, clothes, perfumes, types of food, streets, places… the list is just endless… To add salt to the wounds, there always seems to be some weird co-incidence or the other that has something to do with that person. Everything and I mean everything seems to connect to that someone.

Just when you think you are over it and you have passed that vulnerable stage, there you are again, at the very beginning… You just sit there wondering, what went wrong and where did it all start? Where did all the madness begin? And then you realise that it is such a mess that you can’t even remember the beginning.

It’s funny, in most everything that you study, you can analyse the situations and come up with many solutions. Or there is a theory to the situation and thus a probable solution. But with life, there is no clear pattern about how things can be or will be. There is no clear pattern as to the answer or the solution to the problem. It all comes up to, trial and error. And you have to take chances. You just dive into the deep end and hope to God that you can swim and not sink. That is life. And that is what I have come to learn the last few months.

Going back to taking chances, is it really worth it? Yes, I have asked this question many times but there never seems to be an answer. You go into something and you just give it your best shot be it a friendship or a relationship but at the end, there you are, all exhausted and worn out because you come out as the loser in the situation. What are you left with? What then do you hope for then?

Due to various reasons I lost two friendships that were so close to my heart. I miss these two friends as each day passes and wish so hard, that things between us will return to normalcy. But two months have passes and there seems to be no progress.

So then, I think, is it that I have actually lost? Or is it now time to actually, let go? After all, they say, nothing is forever… nothing…

I was reading through the lyrics of one of my favourite songs, which goes thus, “ Nothing is so good it lasts eternally, perfect situations must go wrong… No one in your life is with you constantly, no one in completely on your side”

This my friends, sums up the reality of life…