Here we go again
Sometimes you think you have moved on and accepted the problems you have faced but then you realize that you have not really moved on, instead, you realize that you have simply put aside your problems and not dealt with them.
What sucks is when you don’t really realize this and one fine day, it hits you so hard and then you realize that you are back to where you were in the first place. At that point it seems as though the whole world is crashing down on you. Everything is just such a mess and you wonder why on earth you didn’t sort your issues out in the first place.
Why is it that we are afraid to accept that we have to deal with a problem and let go? We have to let go but why is it so hard?
Here I was thinking that I had finally come into proper terms with my so called best friend considering he told me that we were fine but the minute I turned to him for help and comfort, he froze and freaked! And then tells me that he does not want me depending on him!
Yes, hearing this came pretty much as a shock to me. Coz here I was thinking that ‘best friends’ are people you can turn to at any time. But I suppose with this friend, it is not the case.
I really want to sit down and talk to him and get everything out of him. Questions like… Why is it that he is so nice at one point and freaks at the next? Is it my fault that he is insecure with whatever the hell it is that we share? These questions keep lingering in my mind.
Due to many reasons, to this day I am so so confused as to what it is that we share. I thought that we were simply friends but from the way he reacts to certain things, I keep wondering if what we shared was only a friendship?
Friends manage to solve their issues because they deal with them. But in our case, we never discuss things, instead, we blow up and then that wound is left untreated. This is the biggest issue we have. We are never able to deal with the issues we are faced with.
We used to be able to talk to each other but things have changed so much.
Knowing that there is no hope of patching things up, why is it that I still cling to the hope that things will get better? I know damn well that it takes two hands to clap and in this friendship, only one hand is willing to clap. But still, I cling. I hope.
Does this have to do with men and women and that woman are more easy going with regard to their feelings and that men prefer to keep their feelings inside? What the hell is it?
I thought I had started afresh and moved on… but that was not the case… and a song comes into mind… Here we go again…. Which pretty much describes the confusion within…
