Scribbles Galore

They say that everything happens for a reason…

The weirdest thing happened to a friend of mine and me two days ago.

It was a Friday and I got off work around an hour early so I thought of dropping into my cousin’s place. I hung out with him, had a snack and then had to go pick up a friend from a meeting. My cousin also wanted me to pick up his laundry.

After picking up my friend we proceeded to Thummulla.

I left my friend in the car with the radio on and went over to collect the stuff. I gave the bill and waited for them to get the clothes. When I got to the counter to collect the laundry, the cashier tells me, it has not been paid for.

I didn’t have much cash with me and the cashier tells me that they don’t accept the Master Card! So I managed to scrape Rs. 250 from my wallet but find that I need Rs. 50 more…

So I call my friend and tell her to lock the car up and bring me Rs. 50… At that moment, I realized that I should probably tell her to take the car key with her… so I call her and walk out towards the car… and… to see… she HAS in fact locked the key in the car!

We were stunned at what just happened and did not quite know what to do!

I called a few friends but their phones were switched off or dead and then I called my mother because I knew that we had a spare key at home!

So she said she would come with it. The whole scenario happened around 6.30pm and it was soon to be dark. There we were… two girls just near the Thummulla round-a-bout holding laundry on hangers! (Picture it… rather odd… don’t you think?!!!??!)

In the mean time, we call a friend of ours and she and her driver joined us till my mother came. Her driver and a tuk tuk driver in the area tried to unlock the door but failed…

While we were standing there, as expected from Lankan men, we had cars stopping and staring and the odd comment here and there.

A friend of mine also happened to pass by on his way to the bank. He said he would return and see if there is anything he can do… “to help us ladies”… but he never did return! Oh! Well!

Around 45 minutes later my mother arrived with the key and we unlocked the door!

On our way home, we were wondering why on earth that freak scenario actually happened… Was it so that we would avoid and accident or that we were just meant to be there at that time… or was it for me to learn that I need to keep some extra cash with me or that it is highly unlikely that my car can be broken in to or is it that I should never leave the car with the key and my friend inside it???

Well, these are all possibilities… After all, everything happens because they have to… and the chances are that you will never really know why they happened… Oh! The irony of life!

I was watching the movie ‘Message in a bottle’ a few hours ago. Okay! So I must admit it was rather unrealistic and sad… and to an extent kind of corny but I am a strong believer that no matter how silly something seems on the surface, there is always something you can learn from it.

The movie was about three letters which were found in bottles. These bottles had floated across and appeared on the sea shore. Those reading the letters were touched by what was written in them.

So, my thoughts were… that words are powerful. They can mean so much. Something said can change your life forever and at the same time something not said, can do the same.

There are moments in life when you wonder why something happens. You also wonder what you can do to enhance that moment you have. But then, that moment goes away. And once it is gone… it is gone forever.

So here in comes the dilemma… do you take a chance and express what you feel??? Or do you play it safe and just leave it the way it is… so that you know your comfort zone will not be affected?

Going back to the movie, it was a sad ending simply because, of what was not said… the words were not said at the right moment… and thus… the love which could have been, was lost…

There is always regret… and that regret can cause a deep wound. There is a great chance as a result, that the wound will never heal.

So then, do you use the power of words to take that chance… for words have the power to heal, to hate, to love to say hello and goodbye…

Is it just me, or is it that driving in Sri Lanka means you get your pressure up a few notches? Let me re-phrase that, many many many notches!!!

It is just maddening out there in traffic. Is there no way that you can actually have a peaceful drive back home after a busy day at work? Or from home to, work…???

Just picture this, you reverse your car out of your gate and then switch your air-conditioner and radio on, with the hope of cruising through to Colombo but just minutes on to the main road, the war begins… with impatient drivers honking at your every move, tuk tuk’s over taking you from your left and busses just inches from bumping your car off the road!

Thus, road rage takes over. You become a different person out there. It is almost a violent streak that takes over your usually calm personality. All those F’s and B’s just come out as though they are day-to-day words!!!

You feel like tearing the hair off your head due to complete frustration. After all, what else can you possibly do because screaming at the driver who just over-took you from the left, through a closed car, with your radio and air-con on, is just not going to be of much help… is it?

A 10 to 15 minute drive takes at least half an hour because you have to be extra cautious and not go beyond 20 kilometres per hour in order to avoid an accident!

One thing I have learnt is that you have to concentrate on your driving, and in addition anticipate the vehicles behind you, in front of you, on your left and… on your right! Then of course the crazy people crossing the road on the green light and in the middle of Galle Road during peak hours! Oh! And not to forget the bicycles which drive on the wrong side of the road at their convenience! It is a jungle out there on the streets of Colombo.

The main thing you need in order to get by when driving here is to be smart. You have to be a real smart ass and show the driver next to you that you are smarter than him. You cannot show him your fear, coz he is like an animal that senses your fear and will not hesitate to pounce upon your fear! One more tip, always have one hand on the horn, boy does it come in handy.

Being a lady driver, adds to all this … So girls, remember, be ten steps ahead at all times and try not tearing the hair of your head, no matter what. Breathe from one to ten and sing along to some of Alanis Morissette’s Ironic and I think you should be in one piece when you get to your destination!!!

Time heals all wounds they say… yes, it is very old and clichéd but… how true is it?

I was going through a forward e-mail a while back and it was about how no matter what happens, how everything leads to that ‘special someone’. Hmmm… is it true? Here I was thinking that I was totally over that ‘special someone’ but then I realized that I constantly talk about him. I realized that in most instances, he is always on my mind.

Every time we meet I feel that there is just something special between us. I am so happy to see him and I know that deep down, he too is happy that we met. Even if we have not talked in ages, I know that when we do talk it will be like yesterday when we spoke last.

They say that first loves will always have a special place in your heart, but for how long? Do you end up mixing up feelings of love and friendship? Or are you just not over that person, in spite of everything you tell yourself and your friends?

So really, how do you know if you have healed or not? How do you know if you have actually come out of that hole you were in? Will you ever really know, you are not in love with that special someone?

Why is it that the people we are closest to, see our best and at the same time see the worst of us? Why is it that we always seem to have the biggest issues with the people we are the closest to? Is it normal?

Is it really the fault of one person or both parties that things did not work out?

I always think back and wonder if I will end up going through life regretting not doing ‘this’ or saying ‘that’? How will I really know, if the choices I made with regard to him were right? How will I ever know?

So, in the end, does time really heal all wounds?

Or is it that in the end, we just tend to put that part of our life aside, and move on to the next chapter?

The last few weeks have got me to thinking about a number of things. Among them, one interesting topic, which came about is about day and night.

Yes, we all know that ‘day’ and ‘night’ are very different. But have you ever noticed that moods, actions etc and even feelings can all change as well?

It is as though in the day you have to be one person but come night time, everything seems so different. The darkness, in a sense is a shield, a shadow, it can even cause the feeling of fear. At the same time you feel you are able to get away with anything.

Take a simple thing like driving, for example. In the day, my parents do not hesitate for an instance, to let me take the car and go on a rendezvous but in the night, there are so many rules and regulations. Like you have to ask so and so to follow you home or ask so and so to come with you in the car etc etc etc. Or better yet, “DON’T GO!!!” would be their suggestion!!!

In the same way there are certain things you would do in the night that you would not dare do in the day. You would not dress in a certain way, or you won’t consume alcohol in the middle of the day… well, at least usually you would not

Is it that humans have double standards or is it instinct to have a change of mood when day turns to nigh and night turns to day?

Do we have multiple personalities in built in us? Hmmm… I wonder?

There has been so much I have wanted to blog about but time has not been my friend the last few weeks. So much has been going on in my life the last few months. It has in fact been quite crazy. Firstly, I have had to face six papers in Uni, secondly my personal life has gone haywire…

In fact, I am now of the opinion that exams are so much easier to face than sorting out problems with those close to you in your life. I doubt I have been through this much shit… in ages.

I have been thinking, when you lose someone who was really close to your heart, it’s weird how, everything reminds you of that person. Songs, clothes, perfumes, types of food, streets, places… the list is just endless… To add salt to the wounds, there always seems to be some weird co-incidence or the other that has something to do with that person. Everything and I mean everything seems to connect to that someone.

Just when you think you are over it and you have passed that vulnerable stage, there you are again, at the very beginning… You just sit there wondering, what went wrong and where did it all start? Where did all the madness begin? And then you realise that it is such a mess that you can’t even remember the beginning.

It’s funny, in most everything that you study, you can analyse the situations and come up with many solutions. Or there is a theory to the situation and thus a probable solution. But with life, there is no clear pattern about how things can be or will be. There is no clear pattern as to the answer or the solution to the problem. It all comes up to, trial and error. And you have to take chances. You just dive into the deep end and hope to God that you can swim and not sink. That is life. And that is what I have come to learn the last few months.

Going back to taking chances, is it really worth it? Yes, I have asked this question many times but there never seems to be an answer. You go into something and you just give it your best shot be it a friendship or a relationship but at the end, there you are, all exhausted and worn out because you come out as the loser in the situation. What are you left with? What then do you hope for then?

Due to various reasons I lost two friendships that were so close to my heart. I miss these two friends as each day passes and wish so hard, that things between us will return to normalcy. But two months have passes and there seems to be no progress.

So then, I think, is it that I have actually lost? Or is it now time to actually, let go? After all, they say, nothing is forever… nothing…

I was reading through the lyrics of one of my favourite songs, which goes thus, “ Nothing is so good it lasts eternally, perfect situations must go wrong… No one in your life is with you constantly, no one in completely on your side”

This my friends, sums up the reality of life…

I have been told by a few people that I focus too much on relationships and on my past so today I thought of posting something a wee bit different. And I am sure most of you can relate to this…Household chores! Yes, the topic for the day!

These are a part of every household. No matter what age you are, your parents have always guided you or even demanded that you be in charge of certain things in the house.

In my case, it is mainly putting the clothes in the washing machine and then putting them out to dry, folding them, clearing up the kitchen, occasionally the TV room, the hall, making sure everyone has eaten (if the mother is not home) and of course doing some cooking!

My brothers usually are in charge of going to the kade to buy bread or some last minute stuff, bathing the dog, locking the gate, doors etc and taking out the garbage, to name a few.

One thing I have noticed about my mother is that she has a distinct way of doing things. So she usually has a lot to complain about. The laundry is one of them! I remember one morning when she woke me up and it was almost like a dream and the huge thing was that the washing powder had been put into the wrong compartment of the machine. You see, there are three sections and each one is for a different type of wash. So, the previous night I had put the soap into the wrong compartment! He he… And this was brought to my attention when I was woken up the morning of my driving test!!!

Then of course comes the drying of the clothes! Now that is always a lot of fun to watch my mother do. She has this system where you start from the middle of the clothes wrack and go to the ends. And you must always remember, that if you start from the left, the next has to be the right and then the left… etc etc. Another important note is to gasanna the clothes so that they have no wrinkles when you put them on the rack! Yes, of course these are practical thing to do, but every time I get to it, the procedure is repeated! I guess that is a motherly thing! Repetition!!!

One of the biggest battles we have is when folding the clothes! It is like world war three!!! It is hard to even explain the system. Pants and shorts have a certain way of being folded. T-shirts and shirt have another system and the best is how my dad’s handkerchiefs are folded. It has to be folded in half three time and before it is folded each time, it has to be ironed! Even the underwear have a system. I wish I could explain in words but it is really not easy. The fun part is actually painting a mental picture of how the mother and daughter battle it out coz I have one system and she has another!

Keeping the house neat and tidy… even for that, of course there is a ‘system’! I will take for example an incident, which happened recently. My brother and I were in charge of cleaning and tidying up the house coz she had to handle the cooking as we were having a dinner at home for a few friends. After she had finished with the cooking, she wanted to have a snooze so we went on with the work and even managed to finish with a bit of time to spare, to have a short nap as well. Once she awoke, I heard a huge ‘ha-ho’. My brother and I both ran to the hall, downstairs to check what it was all about, and to see, the cushions and the plant pots were not in place! Or at least the way she wanted… So our Ammie dear placed them the way she wanted and she was content. My brother and I both laughed it off as another one of our mother’s household eccentricities!

My father on the other hand is not always into getting the house work done coz by the time he comes home from work, one of the few things he looks forward to is dinner, the newspapers and if it’s Monday, ‘jana handa’ and then of course, bed. But on Sundays, or some Sundays, he gets into a fit and starts cleaning up. Now, he insists that he has a “method in his madness” and he starts cleaning. He also insists that the three kids get involved and at the end of it, we are left exhausted coz he ends up creating a HUGE mess in the process of cleaning up. Which makes it much longer to finish our duties! That is my dad for you!

I must admit that I have got a bit of both worlds when it comes to keeping things spick and span. I have to also confess that I am a ‘neat freak’. When my friends come over they have a whole list of rules to abide by so that they will not disrupt my room and how it is organized. Everything has its place. And everything is arranged in height order or in order of how often I use things. Important: No slippers in the bathroom… as the bathroom floor will get muddy and I hate wet bathroom floors. So I have a separate pair of slippers for the toilet. Everything, including my bed has a particular position.

I know, I sound like a chick who has escaped from an asylum… but that’s me… the crazy flicker!

I guess we all have a certain way of doing things in order to maintain the balance in our small worlds.

Our parents may come across as crazy when they insist you do things “this way” or “that way” but, hey look at what became of me… I think I have got all their freaky qualities in one! Ha ha… J

During our journey of life one thing we come across are relationships. Relationships, I feel, are the building blocks of a society.

It all starts with our families and then progresses into friends, peers, acquaintances, teachers, bosses… and the list goes on.

We meet people everyday. Being a journalist, like me, means you have to deal with people all the time, from little kids to great grandmothers! Every person you come across, you deal with in a different way. Through work the relationships you build can either last through till you finish with your article or project or can last months.

Then there are the people you meet at work. Not just your work mates but, the cleaning staff, the peons, the security guys. They are all a part of the environment you work in, either directly or indirectly. You may even speak to people over the phone and may never really see their face but a relationship is built.

Sometimes not having even one of them around, leaves a vacuum in the day and you may not even realize why there seems to be something missing, and when you inquire you find out that one of the people who make your day, is missing or on leave.

Going back to the beginning of it all, your family. It consists of a whole heap of relationships and each of them varies from the other. From your father, to your mother to your siblings, every relationship differs. You approach each of them in different ways, from how you talk to them, to how you behave in their presence, to what you tell them. Having to deal with so many differences under one roof is not an easy task and so much happens. There will be times of fun and laughter to times of sadness and tears and arguments.

I guess no matter how bad things get, in time you realize that this is all training for facing the world out there. You may wonder, in fact many a time, why on earth the things that happen, actually, happen and why you fought with a family member in the first place and you realize that it has actually got lost in the argument itself!

That aside, as I mentioned earlier, you meet people all the time. The bonds you form may be for a brief moment while you are out socializing or they may be bonds that you form for a few months, or a few years or even a lifetime… you never really know.

In the process of building a steady relationship with someone there are many bumps that you hit along the way. It is never smooth sailing. And then you wonder if all you go through to maintain these relationships to keep them going, is going to be all worth it, in the end.

Say, you are good friends one day and something happens and you drift apart, will you not sit and wonder, where the relationship went wrong and why on earth you built this relationship up in the first place?

Somehow with family, the chances of things going wrong and drifting away is not always likely but with friends things can be different coz they always have the option of either making it work or letting it go.

Do you really know of the effort put in is worth it? Will you ever know?

The last three weeks have been a mix of so many feelings for me.

Three weeks back, it was the trip to Negombo where my mates and I had a fabulous time.

Then the following Saturday, I met up with more or less the same crowd at a pub and the situation with my best friend was not too great. Which made the night not all that fabulous and it was driving me crazy. In fact the whole night sucked! But the next day we managed to sort issues out and things are relatively back to normal.

This weekend, I met the same lot… for the third week in a row, as we had a dinner at home and I invited them over and I had such a super time. My best friend and I were fine…

The next day, Sunday, he along with a few others came over to my place for lunch and it was so nostalgic. We had such a good time. It was as though nothing had changed. It was amazing

Going back to the second Saturday, it was one of the worst days I had been through in a long time. After eight months of torture within myself, I finally broke down and I broke down hard. I never knew that this thing with my best buddy and me had affected me so much. I never realized that I felt so strongly towards him and even now, I am so confused as to what I am actually feeling towards him.

Yes, we were very close and now we are not the same but the realization of all that, hit me only eight months down the line! Which was quite a shock for my system. I had two of my girlfriends with me in the bathroom of the pub! Three girls in a toilet cubicle! Imagine that!

Anyway, they managed to talk to me and calm me down. I was still so tired after the whole episode and I just wanted it all to end.

That was when I decided to talk to him and just sort everything out. My friends told me to just leave him and let it go. But I knew that we had to talk it out. Something inside me was telling me, that I had to talk to him. And we did. And it helped. I feel so much better now that things are pretty much in the open and relatively back to normal.

The last weekend was so great. We met on Saturday and Sunday. It was just like old times. And hanging out at home with him and all my friends was just so nostalgic.

It was in a sense, bitter - sweet. Bitter because I kept thinking of the good times and how things went bad between us. Sweet because, it was as thought things were normal again.

But still things are not totally normal. He himself told me so. He said that only time will tell if we can get back to the way we were but that the situation is fine now. I am glad we spoke and got that out of the way, coz it was driving me crazy for EIGHT whole months.

We have to pretty much start over again and it is not easy coz one mistake and ‘we’ will be part of history! It is like standing on shaky ground!

Building up a strained friendship again from pretty much, scratch, is no easy task. But we both want to make it work and be normal again.

The thing is, how long will it take? How often do we get second chances in life? Am I lucky that I have a second chance with him?

Should I be glad that we have the second chance to get back on track? What will this second chance hold for a strained friendship?

I am on such a high today! These ‘high’ days are not very common in my rather uneventful life… but this certainly tops the list of ‘highs’ for me.

My day started rather lazily, at around 8am. I was woken up, rather abruptly, by my mother, at around 7.45am, as I had put the washing powder in the wrong compartment of the washing machine… I will leave that to explain for some other time. So she gave me a lecture on washing my clothes but it was more like a dream!!! Ha ha… After all, what on earth goes into your head when you are woken up from your sleep???

Well, I had around 15 minutes for my alarm to ring so I went back to a light snooze and then the alarm rang. I had a quick shower, took a snack and walked to the Learners to meet my instructor and get the necessary details for the test.

We were then sent in a van to Werahera and rushed straight to the hall where the written test was to be conducted. I have no idea how long I took but I think I took around a half hour to read the paper and answer the questions. I was a bit nervous coz this smart ass didn’t really go through the “Highway Code” booklet with a lot of enthusiasm the previous night. Oh! Well! I had my fingers crossed!

I had applied on the ‘priority’ basis, what ever that means… which meant both the written and practical tests were to be on one day.

So I had around a three-hour wait, till the practical test. It was NOT fun!!!

I made a friend, so it was not all bad. She and I talked quite a bit so I didn’t really feel the time passing.

The instructor from the driving school, from where I applied for the license, wanted to take us on a round just to practice before the test and the practice session went off pretty well. But I was still a bit worried. After all, you never really know till you actually pass right?

Anyway, around 1.30pm we got the results for the practical test and I had passed! My name was one of the last to be called out so I was really worried coz I thought that I had messed up somewhere! It was all good in the end… so the wait was not too bad.

We were then told to go to the place where they announce your name and let you know who your examiner will be. We were told by the school to not respond if the “Big made, dark, scary looking guy, in glasses and a long sleeved shirt” calls us! With that in mind, we sat in the hall and waited patiently for our name to be called out and keeping our fingers crossed that we will not get the ‘bad examiner’!

My name was called, not using my first name of course… but using my second name and my surname!! Hahaha… And it was called by one of the ‘good examiners’! So I got up and walked towards him, he asked me where I live and what my full name is. That was that.

I was told to go to the van and wait. I did not feel the time passing coz my work mate gave me buzz to boost my confidence! And then in almost no time, it was time for the ‘trial’. I was the first out of the group to go for the trial and my two friends (who I made while in Werahera) wished me luck and I was off for the test.

We had to follow a line of learner cars/vans to get to the examining point. I was then asked by the guy from the driving school to get into the front seat for the ‘trial’.

I had to drive a bit till I got to the point where the examiner got into my vehicle.

He was a calm and cool guy. We talked all through the trial. I got through the driving part and also the reversing part, without too much of problem. Then we drove a bit more and I he wanted me to stop on the left side. So I slowed down, turned and stopped! But I forgot to switch on the left signal light! The examiner then asked me if he should pass me or fail me, and I said he should pass me! And he did, telling me that it was only a minor setback.

He handed me my temporary license and I was all smiles afterwards. But the irony all ironies… I had to take the bus home… hehehe…

So, that was how yours truly came to be recognized by the Department of Motor Traffic as a Licensed Driver!

Thus, making this day go into the ‘highs’ list of days!

April 27, 2005… doubt I will forget this date for a long time!!!